My mother is in her mid eighties and ever since my father died a couple of years ago she has lived on her own. I live a few hundred miles from her - I visit her about once a month and speak on the phone every day.

She is very active and goes out a lot, partly because she has always liked going out (with friends as well as using the bus to go shopping in local towns) and partly because she hates being alone at home for any length of time. She's not frightened or worried about being alone, she is simply a very sociable person and doesn't like being alone.

She has considered moving but then there is the problem of missing her local friends and excellent supportive neighbours.

I've suggested that she get a lodger but she won't have that.

I can't move back in with her as I'm now married with a family and house of my own. She couldn't move in with me as I live in the middle of the countryside and she likes to be in the middle of a thriving community with houses around her.

Whenever I see her and sometimes when chatting on the phone she tells me how much she hates being alone and I feel so incredibly frustrated that I am unable to suggest anything suitable for her.

What can be done? She's not keen on the idea of a community home and often mentions that she'd love to sell her large house and get a small bungalow of her own, but then she'd still be alone ........

Some people might be tempted to say that she is incredibly lucky - she has a close circle of friends, great neighbours who love her to bits, can get out and about (with friends or by bus), etc which is a lot better than many pensioners. She simply hates being unavoidably home alone.

Can anyone think of any suggestions please? What can she do to satisfy her needs of not being alone yet still keeping close to all her friends?

Thanks.

I have a similar situation with my Mum, who is 78 and has lived alone since my stepfather died some five years ago. Ideally I'd like Mum to move away from Southampton, where she currently lives, to be nearer us in Portsmouth, but she says she doesn't want the hassle of organising a move at her age.

I'd like to help out but can't, because I have a full-time job. All I can do is to make sure Mum has all the relevant information she needs to enable her to make informed choices - she has her wits about her, no question of senility here - and just wait until such time as she either decided she wants to move or the hospital say she is physically unable to live by herself any more.

 

If she was to move into an apartment for the over 55s in her local area she would have the best of both worlds. My mother-in-law did that and she can go anywhere she wants during the day and at night she has the security of being inside a secure building with other like minded people. She is 85 years old now and has made very good friends with her neighbours and they look after each other without living 24/7 together.

Has to be the right apartment though.  One with a social area where residents can take part in communal activities, coffee mornings etc organised by a committee of residents having real input and asstance from a trained facilitator.  Local one in our area seems to have achieved the right balance though I think something like a cafe would be a good idea if folk were wanting a break from self-catering.  Single residents are checked on twice a day with frendly discretion by the staff to ensure they are ok.  Rather tempting as one gets more mature but where to put all the 'treasures' gathered over the years could be a problem?

That would be ideal for my Mum, but she always says it'd be too much hassle to get organised. And she & my late stepfather lived in that bungalow for over 30 years, so there's a lot of memories tied up in the bricks and mortar which she is reluctant to leave.

have just registered on this site looking for advice about just these issues. My father has just died [feb] and left my mother alone and isolated in lancashire - i live in hertforshire. we speak every day and I travel up there once a month but with work and family it's hard. I'd really like her to move closer but can't find out the options other than private renting. She has own very dilapidated home which would probably be very difficult to sell and has little value [houses in same terrace acieve around 35,000 but these are modernised whilst my mothers has not seen any improvements in 50 years] She's 82, has no savings  and unable to face improving the house herself. Does anyone know of any scheme to move a parent from one council to another and qualify for any type of assited housing or financial assistance?  Thanks

Have you tried contacting the housing department of your local council, to see what their attitude towards this sort of situation is?