Hi, my gran is 82 and lives alone. She was fine until late last year when she started having serious memory problems. After taking her to the docs several times we eventually were referred to a specialist. They did memory tests on her but never really told us what the problem was until we were given a 'dementia ' leaflet on leaving our second visit to the specialist. They dont seem to think she is too bad because typically she always has 'good days' when we take her to see the specialist or social services visit.

She has declined rapidly over this last 6 months. She has carers who come in morn and night to giver her medication and cook her tea (she wasnt eating because she didnt even know what time of the day it was). Everyday a new symptom seems to appear. She still goes out alone but then cannot rememeber which flat she lives in and starts knocking on strangers doors. She sometimes tries to cook but leaves the grill on and forgets. She leaves her front door wide open with the key still in. She is also very paranoid and rings my mum several times a night.

We only have a small family, me + my sis (grandaughters) and my mum. We all work and so cannot possibly be there to care for her most times. We are so worried for her safety. We have spoken to her GP who said they would write to her specialist but not heard anything as yet. Social services seem to give us the brush of when we try and explain our worries.

 

Any advice would be so good right now.

Hi,

You need to go back to your Nan's GP and Social Services and reinforce the need for her to be assessed immediately, although it is terrible that you even have to do this isn't it?

If you really are that worried and don't think that your Nan will be safe until Monday morning, you should contact Social Services.  Even though the offices are closed, you will be redirected to the Emergency Duty Social Worker - there is someone on duty 24hrs a day.

Express what your concerns are and asked that she is seen by someone as soon as possible.

HI  My Mum suffered from EMI (Elderly Mental Infirmity). At first a gradual loss of memory and later vagueness and living in the past, together with a couple of spells in hospital from infections, meant we requested the GP to have an assessment done.  The hospital specialist said it was not necessary, but my daughter persisted (she is stronger willed than I). The pyschiatrist visited and out of 20 questions she was unable to any one (such as time of day,season etc).

Carers visited twice a day, but my father was unable to cope (one problem which gets worse is hygiene - forgetting how to go to the toilet etc). After a further spell in hospital carers came three times a day, until they made an assessment that she should go into a nursing home (for dementia sufferers). So persevere - even get help from someone else and insist that the Social Services make an assessment and chase up the specialist - sadly it is true that the louder you shout the more likely you are to get action.

 

Good luck

Hello.

Very interested in your email. My Mum is 74 and lives alone after the death of my Dad 2 yrs ago. She was fantastic for the year following his death but now is of great concern to me, particularly with regards to loss of memory, vagueness and living in the past. She is and has laways been alcohol dependent. I am interested to know how you got the GP to do an assessment. My Mum hasn't seen the doctor for a very long time which is a concern in itself as she is on Blood Pressure tablets on repeat scripts. When I suggest she visits the surgery she becomes agressively defensive. I have contacted PALS who although were very nice, advised there was little I could do without her consent. I would really like her to get a visit from the GP or a nurse without her knowing I was involved. Advice and suggestions from readers very welcome. Thank you.

 

 

 

  

   

Hi I felt very sad reading your mail.  My Mother also suffers from dementia and does not get the help she needs.  Although carers call in on my Mother 4 times a day they are not qualified or experienced enough to deal with dementia..Has your grandmother been assessed by social services? They should increase the amount of carers going in to visit your grandmother. She is obviously at risk! Your grandmother should be assessed and probably entitled to attendance allowance.  Has the occupational therapist been to visit and assess your grandmothers needs? I would strongly advise you to contact social services and explain that she must be assessed. It is increasingly difficult trying to keep a parent/grandparent in their own home when no help is forth coming......

Hi, couldnt you get the GP to do a home visit and tell your Mum it was to check on her blood pressure? You could arrange for the GP to assess her at the same time without your Mum actually realising. I had the same problems with my Mum, she refused to go to the GP so I got the GP to do a home visit and she was assessed then social services were involved in her care.

Thank you Berniethebolt. I will contact Mum's GP. The response from PALS gave the impression I couldn't do this on her behalf - silly I know. The flu jab is another good reason for me to contact the GP for a home visit. This site and your answer has made things a bit clearer for a worried daughter.

 

As a last resort, you can actually take her to A&E, say she is a danger to herself and can no longer be in her home alone and you can't cope. They will have to admit her and then all the tests etc will be done more quickly (obviously this is last resort stuff)

This could have been us writing this as it is very simular to my mums story.  The difference was we didnt realise what was going on when she got lost etc.  Then I found her uncontious and she was taken to hospital.  Four weeks later she had tests and the consultant told us she had Alzheimers and because she was a wonderer from the hospital they didnt think she could live on her own again.  We did try and get help and like you and my two children we all work and would have to give up careers to look after her and that would mean loosing my house.  You need to find a home yourself.  One that you are happy with.  Not a nursing home as she is not physically ill but a residental home with a dementia unit.   Meanwhile work on social services to get her into a home or your choice.  Check it out and make sure that the care is good.  Also get her to sign a Power of Attorney because the onset could come on very quickly and you will not be able to handle any of her affairs, no matter how small or great they may be. 

I would say let her go missing but follow her and when she cannot find her way home ring social services emergency number and say that she is missing.

Let them look for her for a few hours.  Then you say you have found her but she is very confused and you need help to get her home otherwise you will need to ring the police or an ambulance to help.

When they come and try to place her in a home of their choice you have a home that you want up your sleeve and get her into that one. 

You must get her to sign a power of attorney asap. before she is incapable.