My Nan is 83 and needs help, but just won't accept it. She is mentally fine, but is not physically capable of running a house etc but we have tried and tried to help her.
She has a 4 bed house and she would never move from here and we would not want her to as we know this would destroy her, but all we want to do is be able to help her with things, but she is so stubborn and won't let us. She has always been a hoarder and most rooms are floor to ceiling with stuff, but the main rooms were fine, but now it's getting like Mr Trebus's and she is getting fruit flies, which we have dealt with now. She cannot really cook for herself, so I got her a microwave and she now reluctantly uses this, but seems to live on sandwiches beyond this. She refuses to have a washing machine, despite our offer to buy one for her, so doesn't wash things now, as hand washing is too hard. She refuses to have an electric kettle, despite melting her hob kettle by falling asleep, we got her an electric kettle as we are concerned she will burn the house down, but she won't use it and is now boiling it in a pan. She has been using the same mug and it is now thick with tea stain and she won't let us wash it.
Now the things we have tried/suggested and her responses are:
Me and my Mum offer to clean, she tells us 'why don't you just stop interfering and let me die in peace' The response is the same for washing up, taking some washing etc. We approach it in a casual way like 'oh I might as well take some of these old papers for recycling as my bin goes out tomorrow' but it seems anything my Mum says gets her back up.
She struggles to bath, so my Mum suggested she go to the day centre, as they have a drop in where you can have a bath, have your hair done and a nice meal. She won't have it, I think she suspects we are lining her up to move in there or something and just goes mad when we mention it.
We mentioned meals on wheels so she can have at least 1 hot meal a day, as she doesn't really eat well and gets confused when she hasn't eaten or is dehydrated. But she won't have it.
We also mentioned getting the few hours a weeks help she would be entitled to round the house. She 'doesn't want them knowing my business and lecturing her' So refuses that too.
It's really hard to know what to do. It's heartbreaking seeing her living in such a state, but trying to help seems to make her more unhappy. We know if she went into a home she would die shortly after, she is terrified of them and we wouldn't want her to. But if she will not accept help then she will probably end up in one.
Today she has had water dripping through the ceiling and tells us it's just the rain and it's been doing it since Monday (when there was no rain) There had been a pipe dripping and water has built up all under the floor boards, so must have been going on ages. Does anyone know if there is any help for plumbing etc?
I just wanted to see if anyone else has been in this situation and how they dealt with it, because to be honest me and my Mum have no idea.
Thanks and sorry for such a long post!