Hello everyone.  I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice regarding my grandfather.  He was diagnosed with Alzhiemers around 5 years ago and this summer he fell and badly cut his head.  This is not the first time this has happened and I feel his condition has worsened.  He was admitted to hospital and kept there for observation for a week or so.  The hospital then wanted to release him because they needed the bed, however, my family and I were worried for his safety and about the fact that he tends to wander at night so we asked that he be kept in hospital until proper home care could be sorted for him.  You see we live a few doors down from him on the same street and we look after him and see him everyday, but we felt like we needed some help to do this.

However, social services and all the Doctor's were arguing with us and saying he wasn't bad enough to warrant the care, so we had to refuse to have him back home hoping they would do something.  Now all of a sudden after months of fighting them they have had a complete change of mind and now say that his condition is too bad to even allow him home at all and they are threatening to admit him into a care home and take his house and any savings he has built up over his life to pay for it!  After months of us disputing the fact that he was unable to look after himself and them saying he could now it seems that they have realised he and we need help and rather than footing the bill for carers to go into his home and make sure he's alright they want to take everything from him!

It seems like society doesn't give a damn about you when you get old, all they want to do is stick you in a home where you can't bother anyone and take all your money!  I am absolutely furious about the shabby way he and my family have been treated and I was wondering if there was anyone out there who might have some advice for us or who may have been through something similar.

Vicky, I am sorry to start with a criticism, but this kind of language gets my goat.  The Government does not want your Grandad's house.  What would 'it' do with it?

Instead of writing angry passages like your final paragraph, just think about this.  You say your Grandad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years ago.  Have you been in contact with the Alzheimer's Society? www.alzheimers.org.uk  They are a mine of information and help.

Has your Grandad been sectioned under the Mental Health Acts? If he has, his care will be paid for by the NHS. 

I think that after 5 years your Grandad's illness may well have progressed beyond a stage where he could live at home, even with your help.  Listen to a current storyline on 'The Archers' for a very realistic portrayal of the way this illness can devastate a family. The actress who plays the sufferer's wife herself saw this happen to her own late husband.  One cannot but be moved by compassion, but rants against 'society' do not help.  They take up energy which you could be using more productively elsewhere.

Thank you for your advice, I will contact the alzheimer's society as you so helpfully suggested and I agree about the ranting - you're probably right. It's just something that makes me very angry and upsets me and I thought the whole point of a message board was to air your problems and grievances. Please don't preach to me about using my energy "more productively", it's very condescending. 

I posted this message asking for help, not to be spoken down to.  However, thank you for your time, you have given me some things to think about.

 

Well, you have aired your problems and grievances, and I do not 'preach'.  It's something that makes you very angry - well, loose talk about 'the government wanting your house and savings' is something that makes me angry, too.

  I have found that in situations like this it is best to stay calm - you get much better results from the powers-that-be if you talk to them in a rational manner.  Oooops, sorry, that may be preaching!! But it's a fact.  I have been in situations where I've gone in 'all guns blazing' and I have got absolutely nowhere.  Also, this is a message board, but it is not a place where you can get any factual information or assistance about your Grandad's situation.  If you phone Help the Aged's helpline you may get the factual help you need. 

Vicky, you are right to be angry; you have been treated very badly. This kind of situation is repeated many times across the country. I think you should ask for a comprehensive assessment to be carried out, by health and social services. You may also want to consider a formal complaint.

Is your grandfather still able to make his own decisions? If not who has the legal power to make those decisions. He cannot be "forced" into a care home, with his home and life savings being taken from him, though the Health service will try to bully you into agreeing to this. They do want his money!

You may find this website helpful:

http://www.continuingcarecampaign.info/

You are not alone!

The only circumstances under which Grandad can be 'forced' to go anywhere against his will is if he were to be 'sectioned' under the Mental Health Acts.  This may happen if he is deemed to be a danger to himself or others.  Vicky has already mentioned that 'he tends to wander at night'.  What if he wandered, for example, on to a motorway or a railway line, or fell into a river or canal? However, if he were to be so sectioned, his care would come under the NHS and would be paid for by them.

Will Grandad ever be in a fit state to return to his own home, even with 24-hour care from his family? He has been in hospital for a long time and this follows 5 years of Alzheimer's, which is a progressive disease. Even a short stay in hospital is not without its ill-effects, as I am finding out at present - my husband came home on Monday after 4 weeks in hospital. Caring for someone who is recuperating and who has all his wits about him is tiring enough, I am finding. It would be far different dealing with a man who has Alzheimer's.