After helping my grandad through the unexpected death of my nan, we were all happy that he had someone in his life again. But after he and his new partner had been together for a few months, she suffered a stroke. She doesn't have any family at all and although she recovered fairly well, he decided to move a long way from his family and move in to her house with her. Everything was going well, then she fell over and hurt her back.
To cut a very long and complicated story short, this lady now refuses to get out of bed, refuses medication and is now hardly eating. She won't use the TENS machine we got her, doesn't want a proffesional carer in her home (grandad doesn't want to 'disobey' her because it's not his house) and won't accept help or advice from anybody except my grandad, who is now so fed up at trying to get her to see doctors, eat well and take pills that he refuses to even talk about her health. If me or my mum say anything, they both hate it and we're just stuck going round in circles. I'm now not only worried sick about her, I'm terrified for my grandad's health too.

I don't want to lose my grandad by going behind his back, but I'm scared that if she doesn't get proffesional care she won't be around for much longer. Maybe we have to be very cruel to save a life...?

If anybody can give me some advice I would be so grateful.
Thank you for reading.
x

My heart went out to you because I found myself in a not dissimilar situation with my Dad.  My stepmother couldn't cope with his illness and wouldn't let anyone into the house to help.  Eventually, I wrote a letter to their GP and asked him to find an excuse to go and visit them and to judge the situation for himself.  I was worried my Dad, who was suffering dementia, was not being adequately looked after - the house was **filthy** and he wasn't receiving enough nutrition.  To cut a long story short, the doctor did go and things started to happen.  My step mother accepted some help so long as they weren't "social services" and eventually my Dad went into a lovely home.

So, I'd write to his GP expressing your concern and explaining that you don't want to be named for the reasons you give above.  He may be able to request your Dad visits for a "routine checkup" or better still, if they share the same GP, maybe the GP could visit the house ostensibly to check up on your Grandad's partner.  It's better to do it by letter because the doctor can't ignore a letter and pretend he/she is unaware. 

Good luck

 

My mum was becoming more and more unwell and it was partly a case of her not wanted to call a doctor and partly that the doctor who knew she wasn't well not bothering to follow things up.

Like the person above, I also wrote a letter to my mum's doctor.  I thought she would be annoyed, so I told him the position and asked her to check up on her without mentioning my letter which he did.  At least it got the ball rolling and there is now something written down that is on record.

You could maybe ask the lady's doctor to make an excuse to call to see if she has had a flu jab this year, or something like that.

Good luck