Picking up the pieces

Over time, you have probably developed a way of thinking about the world and your place in it which has helped to give meaning to your life and influenced the decisions you have made. Your thinking and beliefs may be based on a particular faith or religion, or on the ideals or beliefs of a particular philosophy, or they may have been very much your own creation.

Your beliefs may give you comfort and continue to give your life some meaning, which can be very helpful. But you may find they do not stand up to the challenges presented by your bereavement. You may then feel let down and lost. This can be unnerving but it can also be a chance to look at life afresh. This could lead to a strengthening of your beliefs and views, but if they no longer hold the significance they used to, you may decide to explore other ways of giving meaning to your life.

Other people

Some people will be more sensitive to your feelings than others. Some may not recognise your sense of loss; they may think you would have expected your partner, friend or relative to die, so you will not be too affected by it. Others may not want to get involved with your feelings because they want to get on with their own lives. They may also try to avoid facing up to the fact that one day they may be in a situation similar to yours.

Sometimes the people who help most are not the obvious ones - sometimes someone you are not that close to is the one who helps you through the bleak times. And there are befriending or other support services for bereaved people in many areas - ask at your place of worship, if you have one, or your doctor's surgery, day centre or public library. Some of the organisations listed in our Useful Contacts page can also put you in touch with local groups.

Looking after yourself

It can take a long time for you to get back to anything near 'normal' after the shock of a bereavement. It is important to look after yourself, to eat properly and to get plenty of rest while you are going through the extreme emotions of grief. Avoid making any important decisions while you are still in a state of shock.

For example, don't rush into moving home while you are still grieving; it is a better idea to see how you feel once the initial shock of your loss has passed, instead of making a quick decision you may regret later.

Try not to hurry the healing process; take it at your own pace. Try not to hide your feelings; talk about the person you have lost with your family, a close friend or a sympathetic group. And if you ever feel you need to talk to someone, but have nowhere to turn, get in touch with Cruse Bereavement Care, the Samaritans, or one of the other groups listed on our Useful Contacts page who can provide a listening ear.