Bereavement
5. Preparing for the death of someone close
Many people find it helpful to talk about death and to be prepared for it as far as possible, both emotionally and practically.
If you share household tasks you should each learn the other's role: cooking; wiring a plug or changing a fuse; relighting the boiler; general house and garden maintenance; managing bills and household finances. You can teach each other new skills or you could take an adult education class on something like basic cookery or household maintenance.
Not knowing how to do things if you are bereaved could make you even more angry and frustrated in your grief. Managing day-to-day chores can bring some relief in the midst of emotional upset and a sense that your partner would be pleased that you are coping.
It is also important to think about money. In law, when a person dies their assets (income or capital such as property or savings) may be frozen until probate (in Scotland, confirmation of the estate) is granted. In this situation, no-one, not even a husband or wife, can draw money from their bank account (unless it's a joint account). But if you are bereaved you need access to cash - you will still have bills to pay.
Think about opening a joint current or savings account, so that the person who is left can go on drawing cash, or make sure you have some savings in your name. It's worth making a list of all your assets and thinking ahead. Check on any investments which may be due to mature; you may also want to find out about an insurance policy to cover the cost of the funeral, or a pre-paid funeral plan.
And if you haven't made a will, arrange to do this as soon as possible. A will is the only way to guarantee that your estate is distributed in the way that you wish, and prevents confusion and distress for those left behind.
Help the Aged runs a free Will Advice Service for people over 60. This service offers a 'Will Information Pack' and confidential specialist advice from a Wills & Legacies Advisor, who can visit you at home if appropriate. Contact the Help the Aged Wills & Legacies Department on 020 7239 1965. Or you may be able to get legal advice from a local advice centre, such as your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
